The Candidates: Where are they now?

It's been several weeks since my last post, and several months since I really went into detail about the Presidential candidates. I deeply apologize.

The election, of course, is closer than ever, and in that time period, the campaigns have really got off the ground.

So, let's begin.

THE DEMOCRATS
They are heavily favored, but one scandal could drag them all down.

HILLARY CLINTON
She continues to lead in the polls, with a fairly substantial margin over B. Obama. So far, her campaigning has been relatively flawless, as one would suspect. Especially since she's been planning it for decades.

BARACK OBAMA
He is still a force to be reckoned with, and I can easily see the nomination going to him. He's "inexperienced," but compared to Hillary's record, that's definitely a good thing. Especially if he's running as an outsider; someone who says he wants to turn Washington upside down.

JOHN EDWARDS
He's a long-shot, but he's played all his cards in Iowa, and that could get him almost onto the same level as Obama and Clinton. Even more than Obama, he's running a populist campaign. He was on the cover of Esquire, for crying out loud. Honestly, though, for an unprincipled former trial lawyer, Edwards has made it far. Too far. I almost hope he'll get the VP ticket again--he lost his own state in 2004.

THE OTHER DEMOCRATS
No one really stands out, but I think that's because the Democratic Party has two dream candidates in Obama and Clinton, and a third one for the racist bigots "yellow dog" 'crats who won't vote for the other two--Edwards. Biden continues his straight talk, but it's getting him nowhere fast. The others: zilch.

THE REPUBLICANS
Even though they are a long-shot for the presidency, we have a reasonably strong field, with something for just about everybody.

RUDY GIULIANI
...Is fighting for his life in the polls. Fred Thompson, who has only JUST started campaigning, is already close to him in the polls, and that combined with his liberal views makes me very doubtful of his chances.

JOHN MCCAIN
Is dead. Not literally. He'll probably still get about six or seven votes; all old Texan men with big belt buckles.

MITT ROMNEY
It's hard to categorize Romney. He flip-flopped on Abortion, and he has a liberal spending record, but who knows? He's running third in the polls and leading a flawless campaign. Still though, he seems lackluster.

FRED THOMPSON
He finally announced his candidacy, and none too soon. He'll have to play a strong game, especially as he is seen as an establishmentarian candidate. Not a good thing for a candidate campaigning as an outsider. He was a Washington lobbyist too, which is a yellow card. I think he has wide appeal, and he's probably my pick for nominee.

MIKE HUCKABEE
Has made a serious play, and is now in the top of the second tier, or the bottom of the first tier, and upwardly mobile. A bass-guitar-playing former Baptist minister from Arkansas? Every liberal's worst fear. He's even slime and mildly photogenic. Go Mike!

THE OTHER REPUBLICANS
Are preeety sad. We'll see though.

Sorry for all the time I've been gone. School's started and put me in a bit of a time-bind. I'm going to try to be more regular in the future. Believe me, I have lots of ideas.

Party of Greed, Candidate #3

John McCain


Maybe it's harsh to call McCain a fat old geezer, but it seems to fit the bill pretty well. He would be the oldest president ever if elected, as he is already over 70. His maverick status might help him in a regular election, as he has the uncanny ability to hover in the middle of issues, although the talent pales in comparison to Hillary's ability to seem on both sides of the same issue, a great gift indeed; but in this election John McCain toes the party line on the war in Iraq, the key issue, and so-called "values voters" are repulsed by the very term "maverick" in reference to a Republican candidate. For this reason, McCain will find the middle of the aisle a very lonely place.

The Party of Greed, Candidate #2

Mitt Romney

Wait a sec...How did a Mormon become the Republican governor of Massachusetts, a state which is so blue you can see it from space? Well, however he did it, he did do it, so we see that he can rise to a high post despite his religious differences and apparent waffle on social issues, which actually might have contributed to his win.

He might be vice president-material if he has to play second fiddle to Giuliani, as his photogenic appearance, (his smile is blinding) would weigh heavily in his favor. If only, if only. Sadly, Romney is nothing more that a power-hungry politician who sees the Republican party as a convenient way to advance his status. Is this the kind of man we want governing us? Of course not.

Thankfully, his chances are near-nil.

The Party of Greed, Candidate #1

Rudy Giuliani

Booooring. Yet another charismatic, unelectable, morally slack, progressive, and liberal Republican. Just exactly what we needed. It gets rather tiring after a while. Giuliani is, as I said earlier, a Prima Donna. A flighty, hedonistic celebrity who would quickly lose favor if he was elected, something that is not altogether unlikely. And yet, he is the GOP frontrunner.

What the heck is wrong with these people?

Next up: Mitt Romney

The footsteps of my doom draw ever closer...

Well hopefully not for a while yet...

Anyway, now that I've completed the main democrat candidates, I will speedily launch into the three GOP frontrunners: John McCain the tempestuous fat old guy, Mitt Romney, the perfect-haired Mormon, and Rudy Guiliani, the Italian Prima Donna.

My homework load is, if not actually up to my eyes, at least up to my chin, with more expected.

After the Repubs., I will briefly address the minor characters, and then pull a candidate from the proverbial hat who will get my endorsement. After that, expect several current-affairs-related posts, and one about Postmodern Times by Gene Veith, our latest reading assignment at school, and so far one of the most enjoyable.

Until then, I bid you adieu.